I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
