yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
