Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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