I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
