she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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