I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
A+ Viking dick
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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