I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
