Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's blow job season.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize