I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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