hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
