i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
