Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize