you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
