The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
please don't ironically join a cult
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