Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i think my mom watched the whole time
one might say we're banned from that church
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
