Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize