I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
