I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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