I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
