i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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