things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
