What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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