you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
