I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
