Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
