my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize