Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
