This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
