It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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