You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
