I seem to have left my pride at pride
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
