Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
