I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
