He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
