At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
