dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
