I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
