I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
