Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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