I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i think my cat just said my name.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
