If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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