did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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