after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize