well I can't set my house on fire every night
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
