i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
