my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
