I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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