First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my shit smells like andre
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
