my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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