the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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