I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
