yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
