You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
