Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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