You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
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