So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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