clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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