Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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