really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
