Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
