New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
