In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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