i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
we should paint friendship bongs
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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