Whod you bang
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
