It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is Oprah even human
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
