Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
