Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
