wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
