It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
