i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
