Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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