mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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