No awkward lesbian experiences without me
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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