One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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