Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
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